Senin, 12 April 2010

Time for a Little Confession


This is my newest artwork. Enjoy!

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I don’t know exactly why, but this time I tried to write my post in English. Maybe simply because I want to try something new or because what I want to tell here is little bit too personal. Let’s say that I have some thought throughout this week, something that I couldn’t get rid off my mind, easily. And I found that write in English gave me a freedom to express ^^ …

Well, if you ask me to say my life in three words, it’ll be faith, freedom, and adventure. I will not bother myself to discuss about the word ‘faith’, this isn’t the right time though. It’s about the other two words. These days I have some questions about the choice that i have made. Doubt, yes, that’s the perfect word to say.

I never question myself about all the gifts that God has given to me. I like the way I am, and I never try to be someone else. Never. I’m proud to be me. I like all stupid things that I have done; I like when I be a jester among my friend; and moreover I really like when I can give something to others with my own creativity. That’s all. That’s the life means to me. But about one week ago I looked myself in the mirror and I started to think...

‘… I have been so ignorant all this time. So free. But what do the people think of me? Do they see the same man when they see this face like I do…?”

Well, it’s little bit too late for me to ask this set of questions, but it’s okay. When I saw a mirror last week, I suddenly laughed at myself and say,” Hahaha … a girl who can fall in love with you must be crazy ^^… “. One day I’ve heard a friend told me to change the way I behave. She said,” … You have to try to be cool, to be elegant. You’re so rude, ridiculous, and ignorant. There’s no way you can get any girlfriend if you stay that way … “. My mother also keeps telling me the same thing, all the time (*sigh*). Everyone always connected my behavior with ‘girlfriend thing’, I don’t know why. It’s little bit funny actually, isn’t it ? hahaha… =) But several days ago I began to think. Is it wrong to be the way I am? Am I really that bad? If the answer is ‘changes’, then what kind of changes it might be?

Well …The truth is, I’m sick with the idea of ‘…following everyone wish…”. I think it’s okay to be different. To be unique. As long as my behavior doesn’t hurt anyone else, or cross the line, I think its okay. I don’t want to pretend to be cool or elegant. I don’t want to be someone else. If someone sees me as an idiot, or scoundrel, or simple f*ckin’ damn person, then let it be. Everyone has a freedom to think, and to judge. But allow me to say that what is hiding inside my soul is more important than ‘image’ which some people insists me to follow. If its true that the ‘changes’ is the answer, then it only about the bad habits that still I’ve done till now, nothing more than that.

It’s funny to hear a friend of mine who tried to change his personality in order to impress the girl that he liked. He heard that the girl like a quiet, cool boyfriend, then he tried to act like that way. That’s what I called silly. And if the girl accidentally is willing to accept him, then the girl doesn’t really love my friend, right? Sometimes I talked to myself, if my friend is true that with all the things that I’ve done it means that there’s no way I can get any girlfriend, so let it be ^^ haha … I mean, I realize who I am. I’m neither handsome nor smart. Definitely not cool, that’s for sure. But I don’t think that all of that fact is a mistake, right? ^^ Beside, I don’t want to spend my time just to think about something that really ridiculous to be worried about.

I believe that there must be something good and beautiful in everyone heart and we need more than these two eyes to see it through. Everyone wants to be found. One of the greatest gifts that God gives us is when we are loved just the way we are. And I personally believe that someday, I don’t know when, it could be tomorrow, next year, or even 10 years ahead, that I will find someone who ‘can see me through”, hehehe … =) And till that day come, what I have to do is just wait and be myself. Well, its okay to be naive, isn’t it?

5 komentar:

arie mengatakan...

be your self..
hahaha..like this :D
tapi menjadi masalah ketika kita menjadi diri kita sendiri yang ternyata memiliki kepribadian ganda dan semuanya adalah diri kita yang sebenarnya, hanya masalah tempat dan waktu..

sebenarnya siapa yang harus bingung??

Lydia mengatakan...

hi anga, Nice blog & good artwork. You have beautifully maintained, you must try this website which really helps to increase your traffic. hope u have a wonderful day & awaiting for more new post. Keep Blogging!

Angga Prawadika mengatakan...

@ Arie : orang emang beda-beda. Tapi kepribadian ganda? mungkin itu semacam role playing aja kan ya? misalnya kalo ketemu dosen ya beda lah gayanya kalo ketemu temen.

kepribadian itu holistik deh kataku, keseluruhan. Soal prinsip dan pilihan. Be yourself ... (tapi kadang 'yourself' tu yang gimana kadang bingung juga, ya nggak?)

OrangLewat mengatakan...

Salut ma postingannya ! Sip deh ! Tapi artworknya kayak yang di 'my lonely lullaby' ya ?

Tapi gak papa, yang penting kalo buat gua isinya.

@ Arie : Kepribadian ganda ? Kayak skizofrenia gitu ?

Angga Prawadika mengatakan...

@orang lewat : ho'oh e, ni man di retouch dikit. Buat tugas kampus bikin flyer soalnya ^^ yang baru malah headerku noh ...